I Survived A Suicide Attempt Only To Find Out I Have Cancer

Welcome to my world!

I haven't blogged in a while.  Part of me is distracted by the cancer diagnosis.  Part of me just can't keep up with the bullshit of 2013 life.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer two days ago.  I am still trying to wrap my head around this. 

My daughter hasn't responded to any of my phone calls or texts in a year, even after I indicated I have cancer.  Draw your own conclusions.

My Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving day was a solitary event for me this year.  I had a Marie Callendar's turkey pot pie, with a salad, and a Marie Callendar's peach pie with whipped cream for desert.  There was no family in attendance, nor was I invited to any family get together(s).  That, in and of itself, has not been unusual for me as I generally do not celebrate the holiday with extended family.  However, my immediate family, consisting of my daughter, my grandson and I, always had some type of dinner together.  Sometimes we would have other friends over, and sometimes we would just go out to dinner.  This year, I did not hear from either my daughter or my grandson.

Par for the course, I guess.

I put up some of my Christmas decorations.  While I did not decorate the house, per se, I did put up my rather elaborate and growing Christmas village collection, and brought out my Christmas dinner ware.  Aside from that, I added a few decorations here and there, put out the welcome mat and the door hanger, and the Christmas kitchen towels and pot holders.  I do not anticipate getting a tree this year.  It is not in the budget, especially since I don't have funds to buy anyone a gift.  Food is generally a priority (and of course, toilet paper).

Even though I am not sure if I will have my rent for this month, or will be in the apartment come Christmas, I put the decorations out, as a show of good faith.

My Daughter Did It! A College Degree!

I am so proud I can bust inside! I have cried all day I am so happy for her. AND she is working (although it is just seasonal until October) at a photography studio that specializes in graduation photography! And, NO, she's not working in the darkroom, she is actually taking the pictures. One of the few graduates that is actually working in her field, a rarity. Getting a job is already hard enough.

She tagged me over at my Facebook page, and trust me, my crappy cell phone pictures are nothing compared to hers, so go check it out (Carrie Cann) and see all the fun and her friends and professors and what not. ENJOY!!!!!

P.S., it was interesting hearing the main speaker who recently left a position with the Obama administration to head up a UC college up north, talk about the battle over the interest rate on student loans (which made me yell out something about crappy republicans getting off of their assess -- I mean, for real??????). There were a lot of Obama plugs in his speech, but they did relate to "education" so they were relevant, especially to this 2012 graduating class.

Pix From Chicago Trip

Some pictures of Zaire and I in Chicago.

It was really special to know that Zaire said that the best part of the "visitation" with him was going to the Baha'i House Of Worship. (Sigh)

Back From Chicago

Whirlwind short visit. Had its ups and downs, but overall, it was a very pleasant visit. Too many pictures taken to even start to put online. I did get to see the Robin Hood protestors crossing the river in their row boats, though, live, so that was way fucking cool! Went to the Baha'i House of Worship at night when all the lights are on. It is really a fabulous building, and I actually cried like a baby inside. I hadn't been there since I was 16, and it is such a spiritual part of my whole life that to be there (there is only one House of Worship in each country, so they are very special) overwhelmed me. My daughter, of course, loved Wilmette area, but it's way over her price range (sweety darling!). Rogers Park is like a cross between the East Village and the West Village, but with a lot more trees. That's where my grandson has been living.

Flight there was a breeze, getting around was easy, flight home was delayed a bit, today was hell trying to catch up to work.

Will post more over the weekend, both political and personal.

By the way, hat tip and shout out goes to my new favorite (Chicago) bar, Duke's! I was only one of two rooting for Detroit to beat Chicago on MNF, and it was a hoot! I had called around the Rogers Park area to talk to the bars to see where my daughter might like to go hang out after she had to bring her son back to the babysitter or the dad (although, I have to say, the dad let my grandson spend the night with her a few nights while she stayed at the motel, so props for that), so when my daughter got there and called Dukes (I told her since it was a GLBT bar, she'd probably have more fun), the bartender tells her "hey, your mom called us last night!" How funny is that? They sent someone over to her motel to walk her to the bar. That doesn't happen at most places EVER! So on Monday night, I hung out with her at Dukes. First time I was so so so drunk, but REMEMBERED everything! No blackouts whatsoever! And it was cool walking back after the bar closed (they gave me my drink "to go") we stopped off at another bar, the Glenwood, that was closed, but the bartender from Dukes knew the bartender Wally, so he opened up and poured us a round! Very friendly neighborhood, I have to say.

For not flying in 11 years, I had no problems, no gripping of the seat handles on take off, no headaches upon landing! I'm ready to get back into the traveling game.

Happy 31st To My Daughter

Like mother, like daughter.

You would have had to be there.

Say Good Bye While You Can To My Grandson

I know my readers have been wondering how things went at the "trial" regarding my grandson. I have a lot to say about that.

First off, at about 4:00 p.m. the day before trial, we get notice that the dead beat dad's, dead beat dad, (with the supposed connections to a famous person, why that would even matter) hired a law firm in Chicago as well as a law firm in Los Angeles. Basically, we got Johnny Cochran'd at trial. Bottom line, for now (because we have to return in 30 days), my grandson is forced to move to Chicago to live with the dead beat dad. What makes this decision even more egregious is that the dead beat dad's family live HERE! So, not only is he taking his child away from the child's mother and grandmother, he's also taking the child away from his own mother and the rest of his family. Nice work there, idiot.

Now, to correct the record, it wasn't dead beat dad reading my blog – it was the attorneys (which, by the way, I know cost a boatload, so way to go dead beat dad's dead beat dad). And as to why I call the father's father a dead beat, is because I know his ex is STILL trying to the get her back child support from him! This is a very dysfunctional family, and I will leave it at that.

As an aside to my readers, whom I believe know my politics since my blog has been up and running close to six years now, one of the attorneys for the "other side" actually told my set of attorneys that I was an anti-Semite, and that I was using my grandson and his image to promote pro PLO positions! Ok, stop laughing, he really did say that. And one of the other goons posing as an attorney actually did a little chest pumping and lunged at me when I told him "it's not over yet," with a "what did you say" as if he was going to jump over the counter and punch me. Fine specimens of what we in the legal profession call assholes.

So, here's the situation. Dead beat dad (who, by the way, works a graveyard shift job, so his hours are roughly 7 pm to 3 am) and who's never parented on any real level before, and is barely an adult himself (despite his age) is now going to have to be a father, and not just a once a year, one week gig father, but a 24/7 father, to what will probably end up being a very unhappy and angry eight year old. Plus, given his work hours, it's a pretty good assumption that my grandson will be "cared" for by babysitters most of the time. Again, this will not make dead beat dad's child love him ... in fact, it will only foster more resentment, first at being taken away from the only home he has known for eight years to go to that gawd awful place known as Chicago (sorry to my Chicago readers, but you already know it just does not match up to what's happening in sunny California), but he isn't even going to have real time interactions with his own father. Not when the guy is getting home at about 4 am (he has no car, so give him time to walk or use whatever transit is available at that hour to get home from work), and he won't be able to just go to sleep because he'll have to be up to get his child off and ready to go to school (which will be the third school the poor kid will be attending this year). I sure hope that he's not left back and will have to repeat third grade thanks to the vengeful actions of his dead beat dad. Then there's the getting the child home from school, dinner, homework, etc. But with his job hours, there's no way dead beat dad will be putting his kid to bed before he leaves for work (face it, an eight year old does not go to bed at 6 pm, right?), so the big elephant in the room is who IS going to be parenting my grandson? It most certainly will not be the kid's father – even dragging him to Chicago, he SIMPLY DOES NOT HAVE THE TIME TO BE A PARENT.

Just a note, though, I am stepping up the game a bit, but since all the lawyers seem to be interested in what I have to say, and have been quote reading unquote my blog (but obviously not able to comprehend the posts) I'll keep it close to my chest and won't reveal all my options.

What I do find quite interesting are the parallels between my custody situation with my daughter and her father (we shared her equally, two years with one parent with liberal visitation and two years with the other parent with liberal visitation) is that when she turned a certain age, she simply said she was no longer going back to live with her father. I don't give my grandson half as long as my daughter took to decide she didn't want to live with her father, for him to make the same decision. I am pretty sure dead beat dad has so few social skills and even fewer parenting skills, that I wouldn't be surprised to hear that my grandson tells someone at his school that his father got mad at him because he couldn't get his homework right, and hit him. Payback can be dirty.

I feel bad for my grandson. The ill will in that family generated toward me is intense, so much so that when I brought the computer for him to play with while in court, the dead beat dad had to come and tower over this little boy and make a scene, such that my grandson lowered his eyes and told me, "I'm sorry grandma, but I can't play with the computer." What a douchebag to manipulate a little child like that. But I know my grandson, and he can be a pain in the ass in his own right, so let him be the dead beat dad's worst parental nightmare.

For my daughter, she's got a year and a half to go to finish her college, so she's going to be able to study full time and be single and not have to be bothered with the parenting for the time being. She'll be putting her son's stuff in storage for now so as not to get caught up in sadness from time to time, and will focus on her education. For me, I will box up my grandson's belongings and store them as well (except I have plenty of closets in my house so I don't need to store them somewhere else). I'll concentrate on my Santa's Elves non-profit project, and I am now throwing myself head on into Assemblyman Feuer's bill to try to fix the travesty that is known as the dependency court here in California. Turn shit into shinola, as they say. Plus, I will probably be running a campaign for a friend of mine that is planning a run for a city council seat here in Los Angeles.

On a good note, the day after the trial, my cousin's daughters, Ruby and Summer, performed at the Hollywood Renaissance Hotel, and there was just so much family and so much love and so much show business that it brightened up what was a lousy day prior. I will post what few photos and the one video I had the time to take with my new droid phone (a little better than my prior phone, but actually, nothing really beats a real camera!)

I plan to write my grandson every day. Maybe a card one day, a letter another day, a package with a goodie another day, etc. But each and every day he is away, I will be sending him something, so I will know he will always be wanting to check the mailbox because grandma sent him mail. I don't know what I will do with his blog. It will be up, but it will stay dark until he tells me he has something to say, or writes me and tells me to put this or that on his blog.

I want to thank all of you that have followed this story and have sent me so many wonderful and uplifting comments and notes.

Note to attorneys: Keep up the reading of my blog, and be sure to charge Joe a lot of money for having to read everything. It makes me happy to know you're learning about ME, which of course, has nothing to do with your client, the child, or my daughter! I am not the one charged with anything, and I was not on trial, so if Joe wants to pay for you to sit all day and read my blog, have at it. You might actually get an education on how the real world operates, and maybe even learn a thing or two about politics (and music, and dance, oh and sports too -- none of you looked like you could shoot a round of hoops, or hit the rink and slap a puck around, HA HA!)

Just a little video taken in 2008 with my grandson singing to Sugarland's "All I Want To Do" YouTube video from the ACMA awards. It's cute, but then again, he was only six and still couldn't sing!

I'm With Assemblyman Feuer In Pressing For Open Hearings In Dependency Court

Opening the state's dependency courts is an idea that has been gaining momentum in recent years. Michael Nash, the presiding judge of Los Angeles County Juvenile Court, is a stalwart supporter, and the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services, which once opposed it, now favors it as well. Public employee unions, whose members might be subjected to greater scrutiny, remain wary, but they should come to see that public proceedings will help instill public confidence. Witness the case of police officers who once flinched at putting cameras in patrol cars: Today, those cameras are widely regarded as protecting good officers from false accusations. So too would open proceedings protect those social workers who deserve it.

Feuer has devoted himself to finding solutions to problems that can be addressed without new spending; the state's finances make that imperative. He's succeeded with this bill, which involves no cost to taxpayers. "Opening these proceedings to public scrutiny," he said this week, "will promote needed reforms and help safeguard children by making everyone in the system more accountable." That is true and overdue.

He gets my vote on this issue. As someone who has recently been subjected to the "dependency courts" and how they operate, it is a conundrum when compared to other aspects of the legal profession. Everything is out in the open, except in dependency courts, where shrouding everything in secrecy prohibits even cursory reviews of the propriety of DCFS' actions! My case alone has so many mistakes it makes my head spin. And as for accountability, there is none, unless (as many have urged me to do) I file suit against the agency for the poor management of the case.

From my own experience, Los Angeles County DCFS workers are not held accountable in any fashion, rightly or wrongly. The autonomy afforded these workers makes many of the ones I came into contact with act like lords over a kingdom, and we are their serfs. They even go so far as to prod you to just lie and admit to an abuse that did not occur, they try to force you to take their appointed attorney (kind of like a public defender in a criminal action), and in my case I was actually told by one social worker that it would go a long way in my daughter's case if I just simply convinced her to accept the charges. When we said no, and told them we had our own lawyers, their prejudice against me was obvious. I was denied, without proper cause, the ability to take my grandson home, even though the eventual family (after they placed the kid into a non-English speaking foster home for a week) that was appointed as the temporary home pending trial, was in a weaker position than I with regard to the requirements for such placement. Even with regard to visitation, I have been thwarted at every angle from being allowed to have visits. It is as if my grandson dropped off the face of the earth because the host family has refused to allow me to even call my grandson to talk with him. And here, I'm not even the accused! I've not been charged with anything! On the other hand, the presumptive father who has had very little to do with the child in question, was given "temporary custody" in order to make decisions on behalf of the child, and this despite the fact that HE is also an accused in this action. It boggles the mind how these people can get away with such atrocities, and I applaud assemblyman Feuer in his quest to open up dependency court hearings to the public.

Read the article in full. It's short, but to the point.

30 Years Of Life

Happy "Dirty Thirty" to my daughter.

"Mercy*Eye"

I have never linked to my daughter's My Space page. Since I was on a family "page" link, here's my daughter's page.

Enjoy. But note, that she "lies" about some things, which is her prerogative, and which I don't understand. For one thing, she is not black and she lists that as her ethnecity, which bugs me. And she clearly is not in the range of $250,000 in income, since she is still in school, on welfare, and accepting college grants and scholarships. And she is not a go go dancer (shit, at least I was one back in the day). But, then again, My Space and all the other social networking sites are not really about the truth, are they? And she's most certainly not a Buddhist. She's never even been to a temple, for goodness sake!

Her site is full of shit, but the pictures she puts on them are hers, and that is what she is, a fabulous photographer, so I will ignore the bullshit that is the rest of the page!

Hire A Relative, Don't Underestimate Their Talents (Grins)

Eschewing a car for mass transit has its positives and negatives. In my reality, the only negative is when I have to purchase something I can't take home on the bus.

I haven't been able to use my vacuum cleaner for like three weeks (ewww), so my house has been pretty sucky for a while. My daughter agreed to go get me a new vacuum today, (I paid for it, she just went "shopping") and she even used it to clean my house when she got here. After she saw how scummy my bathroom was, I asked her how much she wanted to clean it. $20 bucks was a steal, in my mind LOL.

Now, I'm having my daughter come in every two weeks to clean my house, and concentrate on one room for a full on cleaning. I'm sure I will pay her more than $20 bucks, but one of the perks while living with her was the fact that she was a fastidious cleaner. I am a cleaner ... clean enough not to attract bugs and whatnot, but to the observant eye, hey, so my wall borders are full of dust, as are corners of each room, up on the ceilings. Hey, at least I do dishes, take out the garbage, and used to vacuum regularly!

The vacuum I wanted was not available, so I settled on a cheap ass Dirt Devil. Who cares, I'll just replace it next year. It's still a far cry from spending $400 for a Dyson, damn it!

Ahhhhh... having a finally really cleaned up bathroom is bringing huge ass smiles from me (and from my ass, haha... ok, TMI, I agree!)